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operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

theheroheart:

thecurvature:

abbyjean:

Charts from OKCupid, showing how straight women and men rate each other based on ages. For women, the men they find most attractive are roughly their own age. For men, the women they find most attractive are roughly the same age - 20 to 23 - regardless of the age of the man. (538)

Men are creepy pieces of shit, details at 11.

#this is horrific #LADIES - PLEASE YOUR MAN, #REMAIN ETERNALLY YOUTHFUL, #AS HE AGES, #LAUGH SOFTLY INTO YOUR WINE GLASS, #CARESS HIS POOR WRINKLED MORTAL FACE, #THE EARTH HAS CHANGED, #I HEAR IT IN THE WATER, #I FEEL IT IN THE EARTH, #I SMELL IT IN THE AIR, #forever 21 just got a terrifying new meaning (fabledquill)

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